One mother’s decision to lovingly place her children for adoption potentially saves the lives of herself and her 2 other children.
The day my twins were born was one of the hardest days of my entire life. 20 fingers and 20 toes that I had just brought into this world. I carried them in my stomach for 8 months. Yet the doctor did not hand them to me, he placed them into the arms of their mother and father, who were present for the moment their twin boys entered this world. As beautiful as this moment was, I was not emotionally, mentally, or physically prepared to give them up for adoption. At home waiting for me were 2 babies, both under the age of 4. But I was in a physically and mentally abusive marriage with a drug addict. I knew I had to get out and get my children out, I just didn’t know how. Leaving him meant that I would be raising 4 kids on my own. But how could I do that, when I couldn’t even leave with 2 kids?
But I did it with the help of friends. They adopted the twins. They even gave me a home to live in when I was finally strong enough to get a divorce. They are my saving grace. They chose to love my children like their own. To protect them with every fiber of their being. To be the parents to them that I sadly could not be. A decision was made that made me doubt myself as a human, as a mother. What kind of mother was I that I couldn’t take care of these babies? I was full of doubt which led to a hard postpartum depression. But I broke through it and after several years, began to embrace my decision and know that she has raised them into kind, caring, and smart young men.
Soon they will turn 18 years old. They will graduate high school. And I will be there cheering them on, just like I have done since day one. Fortunately, I have been able to watch them grow up. On the sidelines of course. We then made the decision to tell the boys that they were adopted, when they got old enough to understand. Which wasn’t an easy decision either. What if they hated me for giving them up? What if they think that I didn’t love them? A long list of what ifs. And I knew that one day those questions would be asked. But how could I answer their questions? Would I break their hearts? That day has not yet happened, and it may never happen. But if it does, I will sit down with them and speak from my heart. I will tell them my truth.
My only wish is that they will forever know that it’s because of my love for them that I had to give them a better life than I could provide for them. That my 2 older children deserved a much better life than what I was able to provide for them before my divorce. It took years to get back on my feet. And I finally accepted all my decisions with no regrets. I cannot imagine existing in a life other than this beautiful life that I have been given.
Making the decision to give a child up for adoption, let alone two children, is not an easy one. I will never regret it. I will never regret my decision. I have 2 beautiful children and 2 beautiful grandchildren. And the thought still lingers in the back of my mind, that if it wasn’t for making the decision to give them up for adoption, that I never wouldn’t gotten out of my marriage. That I would have stayed with my abuser. And may not have been able to get out alive. But I did it. I got out. I got my children out. I try not to look back in the past and with that I choose to live a life free of regret.
Not only did New Beginnings Pregnancy Help Center help me through all my pregnancies, but they supported me in my decision for adoption every step of the way. Laura and Janice were my rocks throughout it all. I could not have asked for a better support system. I will forever be grateful to those two kind-hearted women, and to New Beginnings Pregnancy Help Center. They are such a blessing to our community!